- SFX =Special Effect
- (*) = actions
- italicized text = thoughts
- bold text = page number, narrator, speaker
Narration: Top floor of the south campus, end room in the corridor; unused and unattended music room.
Haruhi: *walking* There are four libraries in this school, why is it so noisy everywhere? If you don’t feel like studying just go home! Are they a bunch of carefree, bored students?
Sign: Third Music Room
Haruhi: This is probably the only place left that’s quiet. *opens the door*
Narration: When I opened the door, there was the Ouran Highschool Host Club.
Male Hosts: Welcome ♡
Haruhi: *surprised* what the heck is this beautiful group…
Hikaru and Kaoru: Oh it’s just a guy. No fun.
Tamaki: Hey. Watch your mouth. He is our important guest even he is a guy.
Tamaki: Welcome to the Ouran Host Club, rare scholarship student, Haruhi Fujioka-kun!
Haruhi: How.. How did you know?
Narration: Ouran Academy is first about pedigree an second about money. Rich people have free time.
Ouran Student #1: Oh my, you’re going to Paris this weekend?
Ouran Student #2: Please do come to my second house in Canada…
Narration: Thus, the host club was created by six beautiful with a lot of free time to serve those female students with a lot of free time. It is a luxuriant recreation for a super-rich school.
Kyoya: It seems the tone of our school doesn’t fit for commoners. So if you don’t have a lot of nerve, you can’t get a scholarship here.
Kyoya: If I didn’t know about you, I shouldn’t be in this school, right?
Sign on Haruhi: Commoner with a lot of nerve
Haruhi: Yeah. Thank you for explaining so kindly.
SFX: Hug Tamaki: Yes!! So to you speak, you are a hero, Fujioka-kun!!
SFX: Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle
Tamaki: Welcome to the luxuriant world, oh poorest person. Even if you are the top student, you are also the poorest student of the school. People will call you a weed and you will be despised as a lower person!! Yes you probably will be!!
Haruhi: Wait, you don’t have to... Say that much.
Tamaki: Don’t worry I praise the poorest! What the important is to the hero of the reckless spirit!!
Tamaki: I cannot believe the rumoured student is gay.
Tamaki: What would you like? Wild? Lolita? Pedophile? Or…
Tamaki: Would you like to try me?
Haruhi: You misunderstood me. I just…
Honey: Haru-chan ♡ Are you a hero? I want to hear the story when you saved the queen. ♡
Haruhi: *snap* Who gave you permission to call me Haru-chan!? Haruhi: Anyway, I was just looking for somewhere quiet.
Honey: *sobs* Haru-chan got mad at me..
Mori: *pats Honey*
Haruhi: *walking backwards* please excuse…
Scene: Rune vase breaking
Hikaru: Oh no. The rune vase was supposed to be featured in the school auction.
Kaoru: What are we going to do? We were going to start the bidding at eight million yen.
Haruhi: Eight.. Eight million…
Haruhi: I’ll pay it bac-
Hikaru and Kaoru: Can you? You can’t even buy your own uniform. What’s with that lame clothing you’re wearing?
Haruhi: This… is my dad’s. I couldn’t find anything else that looked like a uniform.
Kyoya: What would you like to do, Tamaki?
Tamaki: Do you know this proverb, Fujioka-kun?
SFX: Changes his attitude 180 degrees
Tamaki: When in Rome, do as the romans do… if you don’t have money, pay with your own body!!!
Tamaki: From now on, you are the Host Club’s dog!
Scene: The hosts stare at the frozen Haruhi, spirit coming out from her. Honey: Waa!~ Hikaru and Kaoru: Here goes a spirit…
Narration: It’s so cruel, mother. After you left, 10 years of hard life with father who spends too much. In school, I tried my best to reach…
Scene: The music room filled with the guests
Tamaki’s Guest #1: Take me during the summer, Tamaki-kun?
Tamaki: Anywhere you want.
Tamaki’s Guest #2: What is your favourite music, Tamaki-kun?
Tamaki: Whatever you favor.
Tamaki’s Guest #3: I baked a cake today. Would you please eat some?
Tamaki: If you feed me...
Note: Tamaki Suoh, Second-year Highschool student Class A (Host Club King)
Guest #3: Oh my, Tamaki-kun...
Scene: The twins talking to the guests
Hikaru: And this guy formatted the data he made overnight when he was half asleep.
Twins’ Guest: Hahaha! How Cute, Kaoru-kun!
Kaoru: Hikaru! That’s..!!
Hikaru: And he cried and panicked to me-
Kaoru: *shouts* Hikaru! Kaoru:*sobs* you are cruel… In front of everyone… Telling that story…
Hikaru: *holds up Kaoru’s face* I’m so sorry Kaoru, it’s just that you were so cute that time…
Note: Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, First-year Highschool students Class A
Scene: Tamaki shamelessly flirting, the twins doing their act. Kyoya and Haruhi on the background.
Twins’ Guest: Beautiful Brotherly Love!!
Haruhi: I don’t quite understand… Why do girls rejoice with tears?
Kyoya: Our motto is to make use of each of our customer’s needs. By the way, Tamaki is our best.
Haruhi: *looks at the request data* What? THAT guy is number one? Yuck! Geh, his request rate is 70%?
Note: 7 out of 10 people request Tamaki
Kyoya: You will be taking of the chores for quite a while… Run away, if you want… But I have an excellent staff at home… Do you have a passport?
Note: Kyoya Ootori, Second year Highschool student Class A (Ouran Host Club Vice President)
Haruhi: A devil's smile.
Tamaki: *blows Haruhi’s ear* He’s right. Work hard for the eight million yen, Fujioka-kun. You won’t be popular if you are like that!
Haruhi: Please don’t do that.
Tamaki: Oh? It’s one of my best techniques.
Haruhi: I’m not interested in that kind of thing…
Haruhi: Besides it doesn’t really matter does it? Guy, girl or appearance. I don’t understand why this kind of club exists. It’s what on inside that matter, right?
Tamaki: Well, true…
Tamaki: *does a dramatic pose* It is so barbarous… God sometimes creates human with perfect bodies and its contents… It’s not that I meant to brag about it..
SFX: Tired of it
Haruhi: ARGH. This guy..
Tamaki: I know you need to tell yourself that…!! Otherwise you could live with yourself.
Tamaki: *blabs* Why is there art in a museum? Yes…to show off beautiful things is the duty of those who were born beautiful…Therefore, I’m beautiful and found this club with those hungers, and I don’t skimp in my efforts to pursue that beauty…
Haruhi: *How to say this… Troublesome… Not that word… Something more like…*
Haruhi: Oh! I know! Tamaki: Ah!! You’ve understood…
Haruhi: *puts her finger on Tamaki’s mouth* It’s annoying.
Background: The twins looking over to Tamaki and Haruhi
Scene: Haruhi looking over at Tamaki who is sulking in the corner while the twins laughing out loud.
Hikaru: *laughing* You’re strong after all! ~ Commoner with a lot of nerve!
Kaoru: *laughing* There aren’t many people who could hurt him that much!!
Haruhi:*I made him so depressed…I just said what I thought.*
Haruhi: Excuse me, Suoh-sempai
Tamaki: I go by that here. Otherwise, I don’t know you!!
Haruhi: Alright, Ki-
Hikaru and Kaoru: *walks over to Tamaki* You’re blocking the way, sir. Don’t just slack off from work, Tono.
Note: Tono means lord in older areas. Nobody calls him “King”.
Kyoya: Tamaki, you have customers waiting in line.
Honey: Sorry, we are late ~
Note: Mitsukuni Haninozuka, Third year Highschool student Class A, Takashi Morinozuka, Third year Highschool student Class A
Scene: Two guests greeting Honey and Mori Mori and Honey’s
Guest #1 and #2: Honey-kun! Mori-kun! We were waiting for you!
Honey: *mumbles* I’m still kinda sleepy…
Mori and Honey’s Guest #1: Wahh!
Haruhi: Is he really a third year high school student? I thought somebody from elementary school was here…And that scary face guy hasn’t said a single word yet…
Note on Tamaki: Nobody cares for him, so he recovered his self.
Tamaki: What are you talking about? Honey-senpai is the oldest in the club. He is much smarter than he looks. Silence is Mori-senpai’s selling point.
Haruhi:*sigh* I just want to study somewhere quiet…
Tamaki: Why? What about your time?
Haruhi: My father brings his lover during the daytime…He has a night job…
Tamaki: *sweat drops* Oh… You don’t get along with your father, eh? And that’s why he doesn’t pay for your tuition.
Haruhi: Oh no, we get along just fine. Though he spends too much money…
Haruhi: It’s just I want to bother him as little as possible. He bought me up for 10 years by himself… And I thought I should do whatever I can…
Tamaki: Hmmm… That kind of environment is pitiful isn’t?
Haruhi: Huh? Not really…
Tamaki: And your stable diet is white carrot rice, As I expected?
Tamaki: *tears coming off from his eyes, grabs Haruhi* Being too poor, you have to “houkou” or mean rich people overwork you and cry yourself to sleep!?
Note: Houkou; be a servant of rich people.
Haruhi: *vein popping* What era are you talking about?
Tamaki: *using tissue for his tears* I’ve been watching “oshin” lately and it’s my favorite…
Note: Oshin; If you don’t know what oishin is, ask your Japanese elder neighbour.
Tamaki: I didn’t know you were the model of that girl…
Haruhi: I am not. The story is totally different.
Tamaki: Ok Haruhi!! Time to learn!!
Tamaki: Maybe it’s impossible with your looks, but I’ll train you thoroughly!! Let me see… You could probably get…
Haruhi: *horrified* Eek!
Tamaki: 100 people!! If you get 100 people to request you, you are free from your debt! And be the Host Oshin of the World!
Scene: Haruhi is down on her knees in a galaxy background.
Haruhi: No! I’d rather do chores!
Narration: Ouran Host Club First Motto. Be strong, be dignified and be beautiful.
Haruhi: *putting the glass on the table* Thank you for the wait…
Tamaki: *hits Haruhi’s head*
Tamaki: THAT’S NOT THAT WAY!
Tamaki: When you put the glass down, you have to use your pinky finger as a cushion. There won’t be any noise and it’s easier to get the position.
Haruhi: I see. It’s so as not to give discomfort to customers, right?
Tamaki: It’s the way to make me look good. A good guy won’t make an ugly sound. I love my reflection on the glass too.
Haruhi: To look good, eh… I’m one stupid person asking that question…
Tamaki: When you have any kind of problem, it’s better to see people in a lower type of perspective. Maybe it’s too much incentive for you…
Scene: Tamaki stares at Haruhi and some sparkles on him.
Haruhi: I don’t feel anything…
Tamaki: *sulks into the corner*
Haruhi: Well. I’m sorry. I was lying. I did feel a small spark.
Haruhi: What a troublesome guy..
Honey: *hugs Haruhi* Haru-chan! ~ Do you want to eat cakes together?
Haruhi: Well… I don’t really like sweets.
Haruhi: What a weird creature he is.. Is he really 18 years old?
Honey: Usa-chan is a stuffed rabbit for Honey-senpai.
Haruhi: Well, I’m not a big fan of rabbits either…
Honey: You don’t like my Usa-chan?
Haruhi: *stares at Honey while getting Usa-chan* Please let me play with it… It’s cute isn’t?
Tamaki: *looks over at Haruhi and Honey, still in the corner*
Princess Ayakonoji: Tamaki-sama, I heard about it.
Princess Ayakonoji: I heard that you were taking care of the kitty with no pedigree.
Tamaki: Yeah… It’s sad to be called a kitty.